IN MEMORY OF LISA OAKLEY
July 3, 1963 - October 18th, 2020
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On July 3, 2019, her birthday… Lisa was diagnosed with Stage 4 non-Hodgkin’s Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma. After experiencing discomfort along with other symptoms such as weight loss and enlarged lymph nodes, the seeking out of answers through an array of doctors from different fields lead to her prognosis. Chemo began a week later with her mother who was also receiving chemo concurrently for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Leading up to Lisa’s prognosis, she was inseparable from her mother taking on the full responsibility of helping her mother fight the battle. It was only fitting they were both receiving treatment together that first round.
After what looked like promising progress through out her six rounds of treatment, the disease came back full force all over her body, with a lesion now in her head. Christmas was spent in the oncology section of Jefferson.
By the beginning of summer, the great people at Jefferson had gotten rid all but the leison and the ground zero clavicle, but had them under control. The goal throughout the summer was to get Lisa’s blood numbers healthy enough for car t-cell transplant. After a few ups and down, couple of hospital visits, some radiation and weekly blood transfusions, Lisa was finally healthy enough to get her cells harvested in September with an expected transplant in October.
Unfortunately Lisa developed an infection and became septic very close to when her car t cell trial was suppose to begin. It was a scary moment. There were signs she was recovering from the infection but while fighting, the cancer went on the offense.
Whether it was for baseball or crew, sleep overs or car rides, planned day trips for her boys and their friends. This was her daily life, and she loved her role. All of the love and support and memories mentioned from the friendships throughout the years while growing up with my brothers further solidifies her impact during those years. Now it has become clear that raising three boys created an outlet for my mother to share her kindness and generosity and commitment to her boys' lives. Being a mom is no easy task, especially in the Oakley household. The sleepless nights, the constant worry, the endless piles of washing (despite our attempts to help), the constant facilitating of the friends and activities, all the sports and school and leisure. But no matter how hard it felt at times for her, which she did a great job concealing, my mom always went above and beyond for her children, and anyone in her children's life. Absolutely, she looked like a rock star doing it all in the eyes of others. But that wasn't why she did it like that. It was her nature. She wanted to be the greatest mother possible, and wanted to be there for her children in every conceivable capacity.
It wasn't just with her boys and their friends - also consistently inspiring women to step out of their comfort zone and be a better version of themselves across many different settings. Day 1 at Saint Joes, there is mom at the ice cream social orchestrating everything and working with all the great moms. People were looking to her for instruction and leadership amongst the chaos of a bunch of kids demanding their ice cream. No one really knew each other at this point, but there she was bringing everyone together and making the kids happy in true Lisa fashion. Her enthusiasm, determination, energy and loving spirit were truly contagious wherever she went. This became even more evident as the years went on. Ice cream socials turned into golf tournaments, golf tournaments turned into auctions, auctions turned into chairing an array of leadership groups throughout her children's time attending Saint Joes and Saint Augustine. A legacy is created when leaders create an impact through their many positions and roles in society. Mom’s legacy, then, is inspiring the mothers of our community to donate their time and efforts while bringing out the best in them, in tandem with contributing to their children's community. Her legacy of a community philanthropist at the highest of levels is unquestioned and beyond appreciated. Her legacy as a superior soul full of inexhaustible love and positivity will forever be used as a model for all of the lives she touched and beyond.
In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by the number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as a family. However, there is always that one family member whose interconnectedness with all members bonds the family, much like a pair of mountain climbers who rope themselves together, so that if someone should slip or need support, she is always there. My mother undoubtedly lives this role in our family. This manifested in so many ways, whether the annual holiday parties, our yearly trips to Florida, weekend day trips around New Jersey and Philly, or avidly baking cookies until 2:30 AM in the morning. Over the last couple of months during the hardest stretch, mom’s biggest worry was what her family would have for dinner that night, not her own health or energy or well being. She was always sacrificing herself... The lesson here is that the leadership of your family will grow in direct proportion to the love that you show your family.
And, so it seems the big theme for Mom was love. Of course, she had a phrase for this, she called it unconditional love. Now the first time I ever heard my mother use this phrase was probably the first time I got in trouble in high school or something. At that point, I understood it to be that I would always be forgiven no matter what, which absolutely is a component of unconditional love. Today, I understand my mothers unconditional love is made up of three components in equal measure:
Accepting her role to always be there for others and accepting everything it took behind closed doors to excel in this role. It is also placing no condition on the other as to how to behave or what to be in order to receive acceptance.
An understanding how to consistently create joy and happiness for us all.
And lastly, an appreciation, which actually opens up the light and the path for unconditional love to flow through you because you are saying you are grateful for this role and the emotional benefits that come with this.
To us, mom was more than just a friend, aunt, sister, daughter, wife, mother. She was a beacon of unconditional love who consistently went above and beyond. And what she leaves behind is woven in the lives of others. Which means her unconditional love will become timeless if we all take it upon ourselves to do as my mother would do, to love as my mother would. I truly believe we would make our communities and cancer research a much better place by touching the hearts of everyone just as she practiced and maybe…just maybe beat cancer together once and for all. Mom, we all love so much and we will miss you immensely.
Love,
Your sons, your husband, your family, your friends, and your admirers from afar